Sensei Hummel
by CrayolaBox16
Summary: "You, Noah Puckerman" Kurt said disbelief "Want help with women from me, Kurt Hummel" he said as though Puck was announcing he was gay and wanted him as his boyfriend. Pink Here! Read and Review!CHAPTER 2 IS UP!
1. The Death Of Puck's Shirt

New series?

Disclaimer: I still don't own glee*sob*

P.S. If you have tumblr, please tell me so I can follow you. I seriously need some P+K fans there.

P.P.S. Please help me find a Beta, My grammar is _way _off

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Kurt looked at the person before him. His mouth agape and his eyes unblinking.

"You want what!" He half asked, half shouted at Puck, who was in front of him, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"You love torturing people don't you?" Puck asked Kurt, a bit conversationally, his hands were stuffed deep in his pockets while he rocked on his heels. "I need your help" he whispered to the bewildered soprano.

"With what? Your fashion sense?" Kurt asked as he surveyed the sweat pants and striped shirt Puck was wearing.

He bent low on Kurt's ear "With women" he whispered, sending shivers down Kurt's spine.

"WITH WHAT?" Kurt nearly screamed at him

"Women" Puck whispered again, as though there were thousands of people in the choir room and not just them.

"You, Noah Puckerman" Kurt said disbelief "Want help with women from me, Kurt Hummel" he said as though Puck was announcing he was gay and wanted him as his boyfriend.

_Not that that was a bad idea_, Kurt mused.

"Look, Dude" Puck said, pacing up and down, his hand going through his mohawk. "You hang out with girl a lot so you kinda understand them, you know?"

"One, Call me dude one more time I will strangle you with my scarf. And two, you want help from me?" He said, his tone going back to disbelief "_You_ guy who impregnated the cheerio! head captain. _You_ the guy who devised a plan to get said cheer leader and Finn to get back together again._ You_ the guy who dated every girl in the entire school. _YOU_?"

"Yes me, guy who's been striking out for the past week. Me, guy who even though helped get said cheerio! And friend back together is practically hated by all those girls I didn't call back. Me, guy who just got slapped by the head of the chess club because I wanted to borrow her pen."

Kurt stared at him again, trying to understand what he just said.

"Is this some sick, twisted joke you jocks are planning" Kurt said suspiciously, his eyes narrowing.

"No! I swear"

Kurt surveyed him again, his eyes still narrowed out of suspicion.

And why should I help you? It's not like I'd call you my friend" Kurt said _friend_ with so much scorn Puck openly winced.

"C'mon Kurt! There's this chic I _really_ like and I don't want to strike out on this one" He said going down on his knees and looked at Kurt with puppy dog eyes

"And the point of this story is…?"

"Please Kurt! You're my last hope"

"So you're saying is I'm the last person you asked"

"Yeah…" Puck answered, not knowing where the conversation was going

"SO I'M YOUR LAST RESORT?" Kurt exploded at him.

"No! No!" Puck said, looking flushed once again "Well, I couldn't ask Matt since he's still trying his tricks on Santana and I couldn't ask Mike since he's still trying to figure out Brittney and Finn, well, he's Finn. So can you help me? Please? I'll do anything! I'll be your slave for a month…two months!" he added after seeing the look in Kurt face

Kurt merely raised his eyebrows at him and said "Well, I do need help with decorating my room…"

"I'll do it!" Puck said standing up

"Fine. Two months. Meet me at the parking lot after school and we'll talk about…whatever this is" Kurt said and walked away without another word.

**(Pre-Lesson) Lesson; Make-over**

"S'up?"Puck asked as he entered Kurt's navigator

"Isn't the football team wondering where you are?" Kurt asked as we back away from the parking lot

"I told them this is an after school beat up"

"And they believed you?"

"Kurt, You're talking about a group of people whose IQ is lower than a bag of nails. You're good"

Kurt quelled the laugh rising up in his throat. "Now, back to business. We're giving you a make-over"

"Why?" Puck said, sounding offended "I'm good looking" and pulled the rearview mirror towards him

"Puck, Your whole look screams bad boy"

"And you say it like it's a bad thing"

"We don't want bad boy. We want boy next door"

"Sounds fruity" Puck said, scrunching up his nose in distaste

"Fruity is what got Finn is dream girl" Kurt said, grinding his teeth together "Who's the girl you're trying to impress anyway?"

"Er. Some girl from the neighborhood'

"Oh. Does she go to WMHS?"

"No" Puck said almost _nervously_ "Anyway" he said hastily changing topic "Why are me going to my house? I thought we were having a make-over"

"Your face is okay. So I just need my emergency products, it's in the trunk. Mostly it's just your fashion sense"

"Ouch?"

"It's okay" Puck said, going into the Puckerman driveway "Not everyone can be as great as me"

"Ma?" Puck called into the empty house "MA!"

Puck walked over to the coffee table, where a note for him was placed.

_Noah_

_I'm at Mrs. Johnson's playing bridge, Cathy is at Suzy's sleepover. See you at seven_

_Mom_

"So" Puck said after reading the note "We have the whole house to ourselves for about three hours"

"Let's get started" Kurt said "Heaven knows how long this is going to take"

"NO!" Puck said stubbornly. It was already the 2nd hour, Puck was clean, exfoliated, moisturized and other facial care known to man. Twice.

"C'mon Puck! It was inevitable"

"No way! I just re-grew it!"

"We'll it's time to cut it down again!" Kurt said approaching Puck with an electronic shaver

"But this is my thing!"

"PUCK! DO you want to land this girl?"

"Yeah but I don't see-"

"Do you want to date this girl?"

"Yeah!"

"Do you want to kiss this girl so good she'll forget everything else?"

"YEAH!"

"Then let's get to shaving!"

"But-But-But!"

"No buts! Now get your ass down on that chair and pray that I don't slip"

Puck didn't cry of course. He wasn't some pansy. He did, however, keep his hair in a jar he keeps above his bed. (Kurt didn't even want to ask)

"Okay" Kurt said, throwing open Puck's closet "Let's tackle…OH…MY…GUCHI…"

Kurt wanted to cry as soon as he opened Puck closet. Hell, it didn't even deserve being called a closet. Dung heap was more like it. It was endless mountains of mismatched and unorganized clothes. Horrible doesn't even begin to describe the smell it was giving off.

Kurt was scarred for life.

"Awesome right?" Puck said, misinterpreting Kurt's open mouth

"Puck! There's a broken yoyo here!"

"I'm sentimental, okay?"

"Sentimental I can understand but this is a plastic cockroach."

"Okay, so I keep my toys. Is that so wrong?"

"YES! Everything here is _so_ going to good will'

In the first fifteen minutes of de-cluttering, Kurt already filled up a box. And another. And another. Until five gigantic boxes filled the room, full of toys Puck and Kurt were going to donate to good will.

"Okay, now that the toys are gone maybe we can start with the clothes. Kurt said and started to silently go through with Puck clothes, muttering to himself.

"Throwing that out" He said tossing away a brown shirt with a giant chocolate stain in front. "That one too" He said to a pair of denim short that's three sizes too small for even Kurt. "Oh, this one too"

"Hey! You are not throwing that out!" Puck said, jumping from his bed and catching the wife-beater mid-air

"Puck" Kurt said exasperated "It has holes and stains all over it. It's time to put it to rest"

"NO WAY! You know what? I feel like wearing 'Michelle' today"

"You named your shirt"

"YEAH!" Puck said in a DUH sort of way. Puck shed his shirt for 'Michelle'. Kurt used all his might not to stare. Fortunately, Puck changed very quickly. Not that 'Michelle' covered him very well. There were so many holes; it looked like Puck wasn't wearing a shirt at all.

While they were arguing about 'Michelle', they suddenly heard a knock at the door and a woman at her mid forties entered.

"Noah? I'm home" She said as entered. "Oh, who's your friend?" She asked, noticing Kurt for the first time"

"Ma, This is Kurt" Puck said, slightly abashed. "Kurt's helping me clean out my closet"

Mrs. Puckerman looked at Kurt with awe and promptly enveloped him into a hug. "I've been asking Noah to do that for ten years now" she said and then added in an undertone "Michelle?"

"Almost taken care of"

"Stick to him" She said to Puck as she let go off Kurt. "So are you staying for dinner?"

Puck shot Kurt a look, as though asking 'Do ya wanna?'

"Sure" he said

After a pleasant dinner with Mrs. Puckerman, they returned to his room, seeing as they have thousands of things to do.

It took 30 minutes for Puck to let go of 'Michelle'. And yet another for 'Sandra', 'Rosy', and 'Martha'

Kurt surveyed Puck's closet one last time and gave a nod of satisfaction. It's good…for now.

"So I'll see you tomorrow" Puck said as he escorted Kurt out

"Yeah, tomorrow" Kurt said with a dazed expression

_What have I gotten myself into?_


	2. Beauty and The other guy

WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOO! Finally updated this thing.

BTW: Spoiler Alert! DARREN CRISS WILL BE ON GLEE! Team Starkid, unite!

Disclaimer: Still don't own glee. Or Something there from B&TB

**JUST FYI: Columbus is Ohio's capital city **

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"Wakey! WAKEY!" Kurt heard a voice say, waking his from his slumber "Dude! DUUUUDE!"

"Puck?" Kurt groggily said "What the hell?"

"You said I should go to your house"

"IN A TIMELY MANNER!"

"This is a timely manner"

"IT'S 4:30 IN THE MORNING!"

"Whatever"

Kurt rolled to his back. A pillow was on his face, to cover his eyes from the harsh lighting of his own bed room. He felt the bed shift as Puck sat beside his body.

"Awesome erection" Puck said nonchalantly.

Kurt practically jumped of his bad to the bathroom, his face turning to an unnatural shade of red.

Kurt came out roughly an hour and a half later, Properly clothed and his cool demeanor back to him.

He paused to see Puck sitting cross legged in front of the TV, pilling maple syrup to his waffles.

"Your dad" Puck said, seeing Kurt's confused look "Nice guy. Saw me waiting for you and brought me some breakfast. Oh, and here's your shake." He handed him a glass of green sludge "looks like diarrhea in a cup"

"You met my dad?" Kurt asked, ignoring Puck's comment about his breakfast.

"Yeah, thought I was your boyfriend" Puck said, no longer looking at Kurt but at the cartoons on the TV

"AND?"

"Didn't bother correcting him"

Kurt felt his face heating up, hope bubbling deep inside him. _Stop it, Kurt_ He thought _Remember the Finn incident?_

"Mwahy fic choo afks me cho come?" Puck asked, his mouth full of waffles.

"What?"

"Why did you ask me to come?"

"We're going shopping"

"Okay, I'm leaving" he said, pushing the plate of waffles away from him.

"No! C'mon Puck!"

"But my fashion sense is awesome!" Puck said and gesuting towards his blue and yellow polo and his worn out jean shorts

"Puck, to put it bluntly, you dress like shit"

"Oh, thanks" Puck said, dead pan "I love you too"

Kurt pushed the butterflies in his stomach down as he asked "And didn't I throw that out?" he sais pointed out Puck's beaten up shorts

Puck looked down at his shorts and muttered to himself. Kurt only caught the words 'safe' and 'Mikey'

Kurt sipped his Kiwi and wheat grass shake-tea as Puck piled more maple syrup to his waffles.

"So the other day I…" Puck started

Kurt hated to admit is but Puck was a funny guy. He was cool to hang out with too.

That stupidly hot shit head.

He was NOT suppose to think those things. He was not suppose to enjoy Puck's company. Because enjoying leads to liking and often ended with falling. And the last thing he needed was too fall for a guy he was helping land a girl.

Stupid hormones.

"Puck, where are we going?"

Puck and Kurt were in the navigator. Puck at the wheel while Kurt babbled on about the importance of knowing the difference between cotton and silk.

"Mila mall. That's where I always but my clothes"

"No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Get out. I'm driving. We are going to Columbus"

"But that's like a three hour drive!"

"I know. I go there every weekend"

"Why?"

"That's where I get my clothes"

"You drive three hours for _clothes_?"

Kurt raised his eyebrow at Puck "What's wrong with that?"

Puck let out a laugh "You're crazy"

"At least I have a fashion sense"

"You're still crazy" he pauses and yawns "It's cute"

Puck then rests his head on the window, his eyes slowly dropping. Kurt lowers the volume of the radio, his cheeks red and still confused as eve.

**Columbus, Ohio.**

"Oh! Mister Hummel!" greeted the man by the door "I didn't expect you today"

"Well, my friend here" he said gesturing towards Puck "needed some clothes"

"Splendid" The man said "Shall I get your usual?"

"Yes, that would be nice"

"Usual?" Puck asked as the man walked away

"Well, I've been a loyal patron here for about five years now, of course I've scored some benefits here and there"

Shopping with Puck, Kurt soon realized, was like shopping with a five year old. First off, he was easily distracted with things. Kurt would leave him alone for a mere 3 seconds to check on something, he's find Puck seconds later playing with the displays. Another thing was he whined a lot. Often complaining about his empty stomach or his aching feet.

_Not that you mind of course_ a part of his brain said

_Would you go away? I'm only doing this because he's my friend_

_Sure, friends…friends my ass._

"Kurt!" Puck said, stopping him from further arguing with himself "Can we rest now?"

"We've only been shopping for four hours!"

Puck made a whining noise, grabbed Kurt's hand and dragged him out of the store.

Puck didn't drop his hand while they were walking; Kurt was seemingly oblivious of the hand holding.

_Seemingly_ was a big word.

"The arcade!" Kurt groaned, still holding Puck's hand "Puck! Seriously! You're sixteen!"

"C'mon Kurt!" Puck said, letting Kurt's hand go to gesture at the sign above him "It says fun for all ages! Now, unless you're 200 year old I _highly_ advice you to get in"

Kurt stood there, unwavering

"Please" he said, giving him puppy eyes

Kurt let out a sigh, how can he say no to that?

_How can you say no to anything Puck says?_

_SHUT UP!_

Puck dragged him in, his hand again grasping Kurt's digits.

"I suck at this!" Kurt said, putting back the guitar hero console in its place and pouting.

"Oh, C'mon Kurt! It's not that hard!" Puck said

"Of course it's not hard for you! You actually play real guitar!"

"Here!" Puck said grabbing Kurt's guitar and Placing it in Kurt's hand. He wrapped his arms Kurt's and placed his fingers over the button and lever, right over Kurt's.

Kurt flushed deep red and bit the smile that was starting to spread across his face

_I am NOT enjoying this. _

Puck inserted a few coins into the machine and started it up

"There" he said choosing Misery Business by Paramore "Easy song"

The song started up, Puck lightly pressed Kurt's fingers. Puck kept his arms around Kurt, guiding him through every chord.

After the song, Kurt wanted nothing but to just melt into a puddle of oh-shit-what-the-actaul-fick-am-I-seriously-falling-for-this-guy?

"You go on" Kurt said to Puck "I need to sit down

"Are you okay?" Puck asked suddenly concerned

"I'm fine" Kurt answered "I'll just be in McDonalds, just go on and play."

"As long as you are fine"

"I'm fine" Kurt laughed and lightly pushed him "go"

Kurt sat on an empty table and took out his IPod. A familiar Christmas-like song started. A small smile came into his lips as he sand along to his favorite song.

_There's something sweet and almost kind  
But he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined_

Kurt glanced towards the arcade and saw Puck right at the console outside the arcade, playing basketball.

_But now he's dear and so unsure  
I wonder why I didn't see it there before_

Kurt looked at the little boy who was playing right next to Puck started to cry, his game had ended. Puck looked around and secretly placed some coins into the machine, earning the little boy another round. The boy stopped wailing right away and continued the game he was playing.

Beauty and The Beast was playing around the arcade. Puck, after watching it a fuck-tillion times with his sister, knew the words by heart.

_He glanced this way, I thought I saw  
And when we touched he didn't shudder at my paw_

Puck suddenly remembered the whole guitar hero incident that happened just moments ago. He smiled a little and continued to play basketball.

_No it can't be, I'll just ignore  
But then he's never looked at me that way before_

Kurt looked back at the past years and realized how different things were now. Different in a good way.

_New and a bit alarming  
Who'd have ever thought that this could be?_

"Hey Hummel!" Someone called after him. It was Puck riding on one of those scooters the security guards have

"C'mon!"Puck laughed.

Kurt grabbed their bags and ran to the Puck, noticing the fat security personnel also running towards Puck, his face Purple with rage.

Kurt secured himself. Puck placed his arms on the handle bars, wrapping his arms around Kurt.

_True that he's no Prince Charming  
But there's something in him that I simply didn't see_

Monday, the whole school buzzed, Kurt and Puck entered the hallways, holding hands.

"_Well, who'd have thought_?" Finn sang.

"_Well, bless my soul_" Quinn exclaimed.

"_Well, who'd have known_?"Artie said, pretending to faint.

"_Well, who indeed?" _Tina agreed, fanning him.

"_And who'd have guessed they'd come together on their own_?" Mike said laughing and high fiving Finn

"_It's so peculiar_" Rachel said

"_We'll wait and see. A few days more. There may be something there that wasn't there before_" The glee club sang in perfect harmony.

"_You know, perhaps there's something there that wasn't there before_" Mister Schue said

"_There may be something there that wasn't there before_" Mercedes finished

"Kurt" Puck said turning towards him, their hands still entwined with each other

"Hm?"

"You are drooling"

_What?_

Kurt woke up to find Puck right in front of him, looking at him with amusement

"You're drooling on your hand.

After 6 hours, 8 pairs of jeans, 12 assorted shirts, 7 polo shirts, 3 pairs of shoes and endless piles of freebees, the Puck-Kurt shopping day was over.

"Hey Puck?" Kurt asked sleepily from the passenger seat

"yeah?"

"Never wear that burnt orange with those pants okay?"

Puck laughed "Yeah, okay"

"Hey Puck?"

"Hm?"

"I think you're cute too"

With that Kurt's eyes dropped shut.

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**READ AND REVIEW! **


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